Reflections

It has been a few days since Lukas was born. It has been time to reflect on this wonder. For a long time everyone thought I didn't want to be a grandma, and nothing could have been further from the truth. I wanted Jesse and Amy to start their family when they were ready. Not just because I wanted to be a grandma. I was thrilled when they told us they were expecting. You could see how happy and excited they were. When they asked me to go along to one of their ultrasound appointments, I could not have been more honored. To watch both their faces when they saw their baby, was very moving. Then they allowed me to be with them at the hospital for the delivery. Jesse was so supportive and caring. Amy was so brave and strong. When Amy's mom and I heard his first cries there were a lot of hugs . Jesse had a smile from ear to ear, with tears in his eyes.Right away you could see the love in both Jesse and Amy's eyes. As a parent to see your child become a parent is pretty amazing. I am sure the feelings are different for everyone. For me to see Jesse holding Lukas for the first time was beyond words. Lukas seemed very content in his daddy's arms. I remembered the day Jesse was born and all the feelings of love I had for him, and now here he was a father. Time sure does fly.
Right after Jesse got to hold him it was my turn. What a joy!! It seemed so surreal. You start imagining all the things you want to do for and with him. Jesse says he is the 2034 Tour de France winner so I will be cheering at more bike races.

Sarah and Jesse have always been so close and it was nice to see them together with Lukas. Sarah is so excited to be an Aunt and she will be a great one. She is such a caring and thoughtful young women. I couldn't be more proud of her.

You start to ask yourself the what if questions. I think all parents wonder, if I had done some things differently, spent more time, said different things. You know the what if's. I have had those thoughts. Things with Jesse and I have not always been easy. Both he and I know we have always loved each other, but there have been moments when I was not sure we liked one another. We all have regrets, but I would not change one experience that we had together. Because,, without them he would not be the wonderful man he is today. To have not gone through those things may have changed who he is and I wouldn't want that. I am sure, Jesse will ask those same questions. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, we just have to learn from them. You will be a great dad.

To Lukas, I promise to be the best grandma I can. To love you and spoil you. To share with you stories about your dad, and your family. Thank you Jesse and Amy for this precious gift. He will be treasured always. You will have many adventures good and bad. Just remember, it is all worth it in the end. Hold on to all your memories they grow so fast.

I love you all!!